$45

in the last 2 days I have spent over 45 dollars on bandages, antibacterial ointment, butterfly clossures, steri strips, and alcohol swabs.  I went really deep today and the steri strips aren't closing it and so  much blood but I bought these advanced healing adhesive pads and after I cleaned up the cut for like the 20 th time I put it on and put on a huge bandage on top of that.  Ughhh I dislike the fact I'm slipping back into cutting :[

anywho fasting tomorrow for 5 days :] juice fast ♥

here's some [th] inspiration ♥

Also I made a second blog on my tumblr as a personal/thinspiration blog (mostly pictures) :] just started today you can check it out http://loveliest-mess.tumblr.com/

Also sorry if some pictures appear here as well as on my tumblr ♥

ughhh tired, cold and so much to do -_-

So one of my cuts from last night is not closing, the skin is not together and it keeps bleeding (not a lot but it's still bleeding) so I went and bought big bandages and steri strip skin closure strips but I don't think I put it on properly.  I put the steri strips on first and then a big bandaide on top and you can see it's been bleeding.  Also I am so tired and lethargic and the moment I just want to lie on my bed and do nothing, I have no energy :[ but I need to do my readings and start my essays.  On the brighter side I went with a friend shopping and bought some plates and a frying pan (yay no more using pots to fry mushrooms) sadly my friend never found winter boots to buy (no one had normal flat winter boots with good grip on the bottom in her size).

Here's some [th]inspiration ♥

Tummy ache, period cramps, lonely and finally money

Firstly I think tomorrow I will go out and buy either clothes or fabric or both because last semester I was so tight on money I actually only bought myself 2 pieces of clothing in the last like 5/6 months which was a onepiece and a hat. However I have some money from OSAP leftover that I can spend (I paid for tuition, textbooks and kickboxing so I can spend a bit but I think I still have Fall tuition to pay), so I thought I'd buy myself a few things, but I'll probably just buy fabric (apprx. $25), paints (apprx. $20), canvas (apprx. $10; a small one) and if I have money leftover I will buy a one piece swimsuit and a sweater (which I probably will have money to buy, but I still have to pay for my phone bill and pay off some of my loan; oh the life of a university student).
Also I'm on my period and have the worst cramps ever; I have legit been on tylenol all day yesterday and all day today and I took the last heating pad I have for my neck and put it on my pelvis and it fit perfectly and my ovaries were soothed.  And than I went and ate and got the worst stomach ache ever, so I purged just a tiny bit. All in all an interesting day, tomorrow should be fun as well:

• class 11 - 1
• buy gym membership and sign up for kickboxing
• go buy Fabric/go to Eaton centre to buy clothes/go to Winners
• go to Curry's for art supplies
• eat small pasta
• go to the gym
• read and take notes on Philosophy of Love
• paint
• clean room
• watch a movie
• sleep

Seems like it should be productive :] here's some [th]inspiration ♥

If I repeat pictures from previous posts please let me know :] thank you ♥

1 meal a day :]

So today I officially signed up for Biggest Loser competition and I am going to win! My strategy is one meal a day from Monday - Friday (pasta or stir fry) and one juice a day, plus infinite water :] On the weekends 2 bottles of smoothies (apprx. 380 cal total) only.  On Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and once on the weekend I will go to the gym for 1 h 15 min and on Thursdays I also have kickboxing :] ♥  Also if I get down to 98lbs by the Bachelorette auction I will give myself a reward, which was supposed to be a hip microdermal but I'm going back home for the summer and I promised my mother I would not get anymore more peircings for at least a year.  So if I reach 98lbs by March 3rd I will buy myself a new cell phone (although probably not a really nice one because I don't use my cell that much and find it would be a waste of money) and a dress and heels for the auction ♥ I am so glad I signed up for Biggest Loser because we will be weighing in once a week so I have to make progress, oh and today I finally told the cook who does the pastas to wash the spatula because he always uses the same spatula for meat as for my food and I'm vegan and usually throw it out and never wanted to say anything because I thought I would sound rude but nope I did it :"}


Some [th]inspiration ♥

Really bad bladder infection, innaccurate scale and the magic bullet.

So firstly I got a bathroom scale for Christmas :D but ummm it's 3 - 5 lbs off (we compared it to the one we have in the bathroom which has always been accurate) :[ but my mother said I can take the old one if I want since the one I got is not accurate.  Also I got money to buy myself the whole magic bullet pack :"] I am oh so happy;  I will be living off of smoothies from now on ♥
Also I kind of got the feeling I might have something wrong with my bladder in November when I had to go pee a lot but thought nothing of it until I woke up in pain Christmas morning and when I went pee and wiped there was pink on it and it was definitely not my period and the next morning I woke up in pain too except this time there was a tiny little blood clot in my pee.  Thank goodness I had my doctors check up that day, so she got a pee sample from me and said I most definitely have an infection and put me on strong antibiotics.  So the pharmacist said I can't drink, however I did research and there are no harmful effects with my antibiotic and alcohol but just to be safe I'm going to be drinking 6.5% flavoured wine on New Years and just a bit. 

Here is some lovely [th]inspirations ♥

Binges, goals and microdermals

So as you can probably guess from the title I binged; bad two days of it : [  but I'm not giving up and my goal is 106 lbs by New Years and if by Jan.30th I get down to 98 lbs I am going to get a microdermal on my hip ♥  I want to get it intergrated into my tattoo, I think it will look so pretty ♥ Also I am growing my hair out so that next summer (not the one coming up, but the one after - so in like 1.5 years) it will be really long when I go to Europe.

So goals and rewards:

♥ gw1: 112 lbs (by 12/15/11)   reward: N/A

♥ gw2: 108 lbs (by 12/23/11)   reward: go swimming at the gym

♥ gw3: 106 lbs (by 12/31/11)   reward: concealer and new eyeliner

♥ gw4: 102 lbs (by 01/14/12)   reward: sign up for kick boxing (this will keep me motivated because I really, really want to continue kickboxing next semester)

♥ gw5: 98 lbs (by 01/31/12)   reward: hip microdermal ♥♥

♥gw6: 94 lbs (by 02/17/12)    reward: 2 pairs of pants, 1 pair of jeans and 2 crop tops

♥gw7: 88 lbs (by 03/18/12)    reward: new cell phone and a one hour back massage
 
So in four and a bit months from now I am going to lose around 30 lbs (because I honestly have no clue how much I weigh at the moment, haven't weighed myself in two months because of a lack of scale, but from my clothes I'm guessing 114 -118 lbs).  This is going to be intense but I want to get the body I have always wanted and I'm tired of progressing, hitting a plateau, binging, fasting, and progressing a little and stoping again because I have not lost anything in over 5.5 months.  Anyways :] I know I can do it and I will and on Jan.1st I will post a before picture of myself (from last year when I  weighed 134lbs) and a during photo that I will take that very day♥

Here is some [th]inspirations ♥