I threw up today again, we had chinese food for me and my friends holiday dinner and I totally pigged out. Once I got home I threw it up, I think I got about 1/4-1/2 of the food out but it's became a bit harder to keep throwing up today. Another thing that happened was for the first time in over 2 years I actually really considered cutting again. I have had thoughts were I thought about what would happen if I cut again but I have never for the longest time actually had the urge to do it again. It was kind of scary but I didn't cut and I'm proud of that.
I think all the purging I've been doing (over a year now) is finally taking a toll on my health. I mean from time to time when I throw up a lot I feel unwell, like my body feels unwell. I sometimes get chest tightness, light headness and fatigue but lately I have been tired all the time, have a very hard time falling asleep, my back hurts more than normal, my nails keep peeling and breaking, and my body temperature is low. Anyways last night I was lying in bed and I could feel my heart beating and it had a very weird rhytmn, my body ached, and I knew that my body was hurt. It's one of those reality check moments, when it kind of hits you that somethings wrong. Like I knew I was messing up my body by throwing up but it wasn't until yesterday that I really thought it over. Don't ever start bad habits like cutting, throwing up, restricting and extreme dieting because it will mess you up and you will know that you're hurting yourself but you just can't stop, you don't want to stop.
PS sorry for all the depressing posts lately
Luv you Lots,
Air ♥
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