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I FUCKING HATE everything right now, I'm just having a really hard time.  Life is a total bitch, I want to cut, throw my guts up and do stupid shit because I don't know what to do anymore but no one knows that this is a hard time for me because I am always so fucking happy and bubbly and ahhhh.  I am actually so frustrated and upset :[  I just really don't know what to do anymore, like this saturday I spent an hour pacing the bathroom crying my eyes out and I just didn't know what to do, I don't know what to do anymore. Oh god I must sound like a freaking lunatic but I just have to let this out to anyone and this is the one place I can, it's pretty sad actually having to vent out my feelings on here. And no it's not true that if u speak to a friend or reach out that they will reach back, thats bullshit.   I told my friend last week I was stressed and she totally starts telling me about her bad day and how she hurt her knee.  When I listen to other peoples problems I don't bring in my own problems and secondly I never complain and tell people I'm stressed so much for reaching out.  And get this last year I had the guts to confess in confession to the priest that I throw up, he did not really understand and told me gluttony is a bad sin and made me seem like I was crazy.  Whenever I try to reach out no ones there because in all reality and harshness of the truth no one really cares about me, it's true they might say it and "act" like they do but when worst comes to worst no one cares.  So fuck them all and I don't know what I'm gonna be doing next year and I don't know how to  handle this anymore I just need someone, just someone who will listen, understand and care, anyone, because right now I just hate everything so much, and I just need help and kindness and someone to tell me what to do because I'm lost and even as I'm writing this I'm crying.