I'm just a happening.

I have been thinking a lot, stressing a lot and wanting to just cry.  I feel so alone, and have felt this way for such a long time, and sometimes I did have scary thoughts about not going on anymore, but now I want to live, no matter how lonely and sad I get because well I just do.  And I have also concluded I just don't belong anywhere at the moment.  I am a touch and go person, I come into your life and the moment when you don't need me anymore/I feel like I'm an inconvinience I leave.  I have always done this and still do this, I guess I just feel like I need to find somewhere where I feel like home and belong in order not to fly away.  I'm just a happening you could say; a person that just happens by your life but never stays.  The same can kinda be said for my family, I love them and they love me but look I left the moment I had the opportunity (and I could have stayed because my town has one of the best uni's in the country but I had to move out).  I felt the need to leave, not just because I wanted to be independant but because although I love them I simply did not belong, I just happened to happen upon this family.  So in away I do belong in my family, but I don't really "belong" if you understand?  I love them and forever will I keep contact and visit, but I don't really belong there, just like I don't ever really belong with anyone I've met so far.  You get close, than you kind of see another side of them, they kind of start hanging with other people, and you're not so close anymore, and than you just happen out of their life.  Just like that you happen in their life and than you happen out of their life, but you never stay, you just sort of float here and there.