What would you do?

I ask myself that a lot sometimes when my dad gets drunk and I can hear him trying to get my mom to have sex with him.  She told me she has not done it with him in over a  year now and I'm glad because that reassures me he has not raped her yet.  That's my biggest fear, one time, sometime last year she told me once that if I hear he yelling stop I should barge in and pretend I forgot something or just make something up.  And I did I barged in saying my stomach was hurting, but like when I am sitting here in the living room and I hear my mom telling my dad to stop I always ask myself what would I do if it got out of control ? because this usually happens but he never ends up doing anything to my mom because either she gets up and comes downstairs to sleep or he just gets too tired to argue and try to make her after awhile. Like would I barge in like last time and pretend I was feeling ill or would I barge in and actually tell my dad to his face that I know what he is doing? Would I be brave enough?  I don't know, like sometimes everything is perfect, most of the time we are a normal family, normal financial troubles, normal arguments but than their are times when I feel like we are just messed up and there are things that happen that I would never share not even on here and although they might not be the most horrible things that can or have happened to someone they have always been clear in my memories.  It's times like these when the confusion, hurt and just feeling like I come from a wrong family all flood my head, but like I said we are a normal family most of the time.   

Day number I lost track off

So :] I just feel good today :] good and tired and I feel like a fast is coming up! So fasting tomorrow (water), Friday (milk fast), Saturday (juice fast) and possibly Sunday (water).  Also I feel super motivated because I watched one episode of the "I used to be Fat" (the one where they show the contestants before and after) and the changes where sooo remarkable! I can do this ! 


Love , 


                Air♥

Overwhelming, but finally things seem to be moving in the right direction :]

So (I realize I start off a lot of my posts with so :] ha ha fun little fact I thought I would share) it's scholarship application time,  midterms just passed (and I survived, yay!) and classes are nearing an end only a month and a bit left.  Oh my so much too do, but I did get my midterm report today and my little meltdown I had last week over a midterm test was for nothing  (not sure if I mentioned it but I did really bad on one of my midterms and I was sure it would bring down my mark BUT I forgot that the teacher had not calculated two projects yet so I actually got higher on my midterm report than I thought I would) and I should know this weekend if I got accepted into my first choice program for university!  

As well the weekend was a total mess, I was on my period and I got a whole load of chocolate which as you can probably figure out did not end well... I ended up eating almost all my chocolates in one day.  On a plus side on Thursday before the long weekend a guy who used to talk to me but I have not really seen around school in awhile saw me and we started talking again on facebook and he told me I was looking good :] but the part I found kind of funny was that day he saw me again I felt like ughhh, like I had my hair in a messy bun, my fake glasses on (to cover the dark circles under my eyes, works better than makeup ;] ), sweats and some sweater and vest I put on last minute so I was surprised he actually thought I looked good.  

Anyways here's some [th]inspirations :] ♥

Mother nature

                             So I'm on my period and I very much dislike it, I really do :[  Oh but I fasted yesterday and I am fasting tomorrow :] <  a water only fast,  plus the gym (yes it is open on good friday ! woo hoo 3 hours at the gym? I think so ;] ).  Oh and my dad is sleeping/passed out from drinking on the couch so I can finally upload some [th] inspirations. 

Love you all very much :] ♥

Air♥

My tummy hurts :[ and it's snowing in April ........

So my tummy hurts a lot today (I'm pretty sure I overate and I'm pretty sure I am going to get my period soon - I tend to eat a lot before I get it....). oh and it snowed today which sucks :[ BUT I almost finished a dress I started yesterday, all I need is to buy the zipper and sew it in yay :]

Day 13

I failed :[ I weighed myself and I was 119.2 lbs (I know I wasn't supposed to weigh myself until tomorrow but I couldn't help it).  I am quite disappointed and I will probably go back to weighing myself everyday.  I am upset I took laxatives like every day and had maybe 2 or 3 binges during these two weeks and I lost nothing but gained some... Well I'm fasting tomorrow (I want to weigh 115 lbs again before the 23rd).

Anyways sorry for no [th]inspirational pictures lately but I stumbled upon a lovely song.  It was originally sung by Bon Iver but this girl on youtube (Birdy) did an amazing job at singing it.  It's such a sad and lovely song, hope you enjoy it :] ♥

Day 10 .... 2 tests tomorrow :0 !

So I have 2 tests tomorrow and I totally forgot about it and now I have to study study study !
My post is ubber short today and no pictures today either :[ but maybe on wednesday  ....


Anyways Lots of LOVE ♥ 


                  Air ♥

Day 9 (sorry I skipped day 8)

So yesterday I went to a party right after work and I haven't been to a party in foreverrrr, anyways I'm also a super light weight when it comes to drinking [no joke, I had like 2.5-3 coolers and maybe 2 or 4 shots and I got totally smashed :0 ].  Anyways I thought I only blacked out a few times but all in all remembered the whole night, but nope I have like half my night missing from my memories....oh dearies but there was this one guy who took care of me :P and I just met him at the party, yet he spent a lot of his time taking care of me (I can't get over this, it was so sweet, cause unless you're close friends a lot of guys won't do that).  But I can not find him on facebook.... bummers, well I really hope we meet again :]  Oh and I didn't get a hangover, I'm such a lucky duckie ♥ - now TMI warning big time!   I woke up and I still smelled vomit but couldn't figure out where it was comming from and it was kinda there even after I took a long long LONG shower, than I blew my nose and it was gone...so I guess when I was throwing up in the toilet (only once did I mag) a chunk must have flew into my nose... ewww I know but it was even more ewww because it actually happened to me (but I bet people have had worse experiences than me so I don't feel too embarrassed and this is the only place I shared this story).

Also this might sound so messed up, but while I was floating in and out of sleep in the early morning (like 5 am) I couldn't help thinking to myself what a great night it was, that I did not eat that much yet I had thrown up and I must have gotten rid of some of that food and I was so happy... I know it's messed up but I'm still kinda happy I threw up (hopefully I threw up some food too and not only the alcohol, but I think I passed out for a bit after that and some how wound up downstairs again - they said that one guy brought me down [like I said such a sweetie♥]  so I have no clue if I actually did throw up any food ... ].


Ok so this is the last of my story about my crazy night (when thinks confuse me and I can't stop thinking about them I have to write them down).

Also sorry there is not any pictures today but my dad is awake and watching tv in the living room and it just so happens that this computer is also located in the living room -_-'


                                          Love you lots, 


                                                       Air ♥

Day 7 pain, pain, pain and a stolen skirt D:

So long story short I went to a bank machine and left my purchase on the ground, a minute later I realized I left it and ran back and it was gone D : it was an absolutely gorgeous skirt as well and the only one they had in small, I was pretty upset but did some more shopping nonetheless and found the perfect white hat for my trip to Europe this summer :]
As for yesterday, the show was amazing and a lot of designers are going to go really far, and some models will too (some really stuck out, such talent).  Also I not only kept looking at the designs but the models back, arms, legs and shoulder blades, and comparing them in my head seeing which ones were skinnier....terrible I know :[
Yesterday's post was not very long but I had the worst chest pain, and my back hurt too (but it always hurts) so my mom finally convinced me to make a doctor's appointment, cause I have been having this back pain for over a year and a half now (not constant, but almost and the painkillers my doctor prescribed last year didn't really work and left me feeling weak and faint - they have the side effect of thinning blood ) and I have just started getting chest pains along with it.  All I want is for my back to feel better and I should stop complaining so I shall share some good news; I bought some really cute hair accessories today and flats and now I feel like I can finally complete my outfits.

[th]inspirations (including some male ones) enjoy :] ♥

Day 6 Toronto, fashion and shopping ♥

I have so much to write about today but I will save it until tomorrow ( I'm having really bad chest painand back pain) so I'll just post some pictures for today :]

Day 5, La la la la :] ♥

Pooh Bear, there's only one thing we can do, wait for you to get thin again.

Oh bother. How long will that take? 

Days, weeks, months, who knows? 

It was a GREAT great day :] absolutely marvelous, I fasted the whole day with the exception of the Tim Horton's english toffee coffee  (480 cal) and the one cup of milk mixed with lax a day powder I had.  Also today at work time flew by, and tomorrow I have a food lab during my second period and than I'm going home and going to Toronto to see the fashion show and shop ♥


So here is today's [th]inspirations :]