Ahh, scream it will help it go away!

Fudge a fruitcake, I am mad, mad, mad..... :[ and sad.  My mother started becoming suspicious and insisted I ate a piece of pizza in front of her which I did with no fuss as to not arise more suspiscion than I voluntarily took another to show my mom there was nothing wrong. Went to the gym came back and ate a chocolate, and two more slices of pizza.  All my hard work, my almost three days of fasting gone to waste. I can't look at the scale, not today or tomorrow because I know I gained it all back and I'm listening to Natalie Merchants' song My skin which just helps add to my sad mood because of the sad tune.
Arghh, it's just one of those days........... ... and to top it all of no one's noticed I lost weight except my mom (who by the way claims I'm loosing to much) and my aunt from Europe when she recieved our christmas photos and some of my moms friends.   Other than them no one at school has noticed,  no one, nada, zero, zip which doesn't in all truth bother me because than I'm not reminded that I have problems.   I mean if only my mother (and I love her dearly, we can be like besties sometimes and bitches other times) could stop being so over ... motherly?  Not notice things so much. 

But not to worry since I erased some suspision, I have a strategy plan to erase the rest or at least not make any more.

• wear baggy sweaters around the house so mom can't comment or see you loosing weight
• if not working snack on low calorie foods like grapes, or cut up an apple so it looks like ur eating continously, and fast during school so you can eat a small portion of dinner at least once or twice a week to look normal.
• fast on days when etheir a)working [so my mom can't bug me about eating]

                                               b)when my mothers taking the younger children to dance
                                               c)when I have extra curricular

• try not to be so clingy to mom because she will keep insisting you go to the doctor for your cold hands
• stop weighing yourself when mom is at home, do it at night or when she is out. 
• if you have a binge make sure it happens when mom is around so she can see you stuff your face and are not starving yourself. 
• slowly start complaining about tummy aches again (I have a history of sore tummies since I was about 3,  I get it once evry few years so why not pretend it's this year and get out of eating some meals/ make it look like ur not loosing weight on purpose).
• Never ever call urself fat in front of mom, but rather lie and say u think ur perfect so she thinks u don't want to lose weight.

That's about all I can think of now.




Luv you lots,




                    Air♥