Running on empty can become an addiction

So before I divulge further into what I really want to talk about I just wanted to say soy milk or at least chocolate soy milk taste pretty good ( I always thought it would be gross tasting). Anyways I wanted to share something: once you start a fast it feels like it gets easier and I've noticed that sometime after awhile you get this weak haze feeling, like you are not all there and it kinda feels like a high :/ so ya it kinda feels weird/good LOL probably not something I should like .... It's weird but what can I say? Also protein shakes are AMAZING, they fill you up so quick and a 450 ml bottle lasted me 2 days :D and it contains nutrients and whatnot so it's almost like a meal replacement ... perhaps ? So I would so drink one a day as a sort of liquid fast for a week or so but they only sell them individually for like $3.96 per bottle .... so just a bit pricey :S

This uncomfortable feeling please go away I was doing so well without you

So today I felt great and I must have been giving off flirt vibes or something because two guys at the gym started flirting with me ( which never happens) and four guys decided to chat with me today on Facebook ... So ya great day until well I know it's like 2.5 months early but I decided to ask this guy friend of mine to prom. Now u might be thinking ok? Whats so bad about that? Well here's the thing I kinda regret it now, I should have waited until may to see if any guy would ask me because yes I really like this guy as a friend but I kinda wanted a hottie for prom ( no offense, I know I sound shallow). Like he 's skinny skinny and has longish hair, he's a cutie but not that good looking. I know a lot of people just go to prom with friends of the opposite sex and than usually split up after for parties so it's not bad and I don't mind but I don't know wwhat my parents will think of him, I binged on top of that so now I just feel all anxious and what not and I feel like a bitch for asking him out and regretting it but I will still go with him because although I might act shallow and vain on theinside I would never act like that in life as it is just rude and disrespectful. But I will pretty myself up and make sure I look drop dead gorgeous because after all it is prom :]

Ahh if only this anxiety would go away it popped up and wont go away and I dont know what to do with myself.

OhMyGoodness .........

So last night when me and my dad were talking about vegetarianism and different diets he got on the topic of how it was scientifically proven that men like women with boobs and curves over the model type.  So this is what followed:

Me: Ok what does this have to do with anything ?

Dad: Well your fit and you've lost a lot of weight but I can see you're still not happy with how you look.

Me: Well ya I'm not happy, I want to have a flat stomach for Europe this summer and there's nothing wrong with that.

Dad:  I was the same way when I was your age.  I was fit, and I see that now looking at my teen pictures but back than I would always pick at myself and see myself as fat.


So first off was that supposed to be a confession that a) he knows I have problems , and b) that he might have had an ed?

another weird thing is that I didn't feel ackward or uncomfortable like I usually do when someone start talking about body image and what not.

Sore throats, work and liquids...

So far so good with my liquid fast, working tomorrow again (took a friends shift :] ) than off to the work social :D  tomorrow's going to be a good day, but how am I to get away without eating anything at the social? Drink lots and complain about a tummy ache before hand perhaps?  Ahhhh.....so complicated.  Also spring cleaning this week smething I desperately need to do and I do not care if it snows again I am airing out my room because it is soo absolutely stuffy and disgusting.
Back to the social, I really wanted to wear these new jeans I bought awhile back but I haven't lost enough weight :[ and my throats hurting ... ahh it seems all I am doing today is complaining but no I do have something that I am ubber grateful for: 

So you all know about that quake/tsunami and nuclear thing that happened in Japan?  Well I have a penpal there and I was sooo thankful and relieved when I found out Osaka was not affected (that's where she lives).  I was really worried her town might have been hit by the tsunami so I really really am grateful she's ok and I hope Japan gets all the help it needs to get through this as it was a horrible disaster with lots of people who died as a result of it (over a thousand).

  Lots of Love,

                     Air♥

Hmmm....liquids :]

So liquid fast for 2 weeks? yupp I want to (don't know how long that will last under my mothers watchful eyes -_-' ) and I am gonna do it  (and I need to I hit a plateau and I really can't stand it).

Sit ups everyday, water fast every 4th day and just normal liquids the rest of the days AND I'm not going to weigh myself until halfway through (the 17th).

Also yesterday and a part of today I had one of those days where I feel like maybe everything was made up.  Like maybe I'm fine and there's nothing wrong with my eating habits and I'm just doing this to lose weight, no emotions attached, nothing wrong.  It's bizarre to have those days, it almost makes u feel like an imposter ...

Zumba, sweating and procrastination

So I should be studying for a math test for tomorrow..... but I'm on here posting instead : ]
Today I finally went to the gym , and my fast was going great until I came home and my mom cooked veggies for me seperately (since most of our family dinners consist of meat) and she confronted me, just when I thought she forgot and was not suspiscious. 
Mother: "How much do you weigh now?"

Me: "Ummm....117-118? why?"

Mother: "You said during summer u'd be happy at 120lbs, I don't want you to go lower than 115lbs. This seems like the beginning of that illness (refering to ed's),"

Me: "umm no mom I want to lose a bit more than that, I'm still in the healthy range of bmi's and I lost this weight over 6 months, it's not like I drastically dropped weight."

Mother: 'I don't know, I still don't like it."


Oh dearies what to do?  well I ate the veggies to satisfy my mother ....
I work tomorrow so I will be able to fast :] and thursday and possibly friday (I'm hanging out with friends I haven't really hung out with in so long and they decided they are cooking super before the movies... another oh dear).


Anyways some Twiggy photo's, she's soo cute and beauctiful ♥

                                                    She still looks so pretty :] it's all in the smile ;]


                                                       Love,
                                                                      Air♥
                                                 

Fearies ♥

I love fearies and pixies, they're always so small and pretty.  Well they have to be skinny, right? I mean how else would they be able to fly on those beautifully thin and delicate wings? ♥

                                                     Love ,

                                                                     Air ♥

I awoke, I fasted, I ate I failed.

Ya my title pretty much explains my day in short term.  But on a more cheerful side I dyed my hair black : D it's one colour I haven't dyed it yet ( I have dyed it blonde, red, brown, dark brown burgundy).  After will be bleach blonde, than maybe red or orange and than my natural hair colour.  I won't be deying it bleach blonde until like september and colour always fades from my hair so it won't be that hard for the black dye to come out.  I really like it though, it looks pretty good (not meaning to brag, ha ha ) :]

Dancing, inspirations from the past ♥

So some dance, and audrey hepburn thinspo (also there's a pic of marylin monroe too) ♥

Love,

               Air♥

Egg's Beauty ♥

So I absolutely LOVE egg's beauty unfortunately I do not know where to buy them and I don't know how to read japanese but I have decided to self teach myself a bit.  For those who don't know what egg's beauty is, it's a japanese fashion magazine.  The style is a bit extreme (really high mantainance, LOTS of make up, jewelled nails,  styled hair etc), but I like the style and I think I might want to sort of try it out (well the clothing I wear now is sort of that style -  mine's more retro girly girl, but the make up, nails and hair - granted that I would not wear as much makeup as they do).  I also find it a great inspiration, note that I did not use the word thinspiration, because although I do find it great thinspo it inspires more than that... ahh I do not think that I even make sense ?  oh well here's some pages and covers from egg's beauty as well as some photos of japanese women with the same sort of style :]  

Love,

                Air♥

University ♥

So I got  accepted into university! More specifically Ryerson university for retail management and sociology, but I'm not picking a program yet because I won't know if I got accepted into their fashion program until after midterms (mid april).  Either way I'm leaving :] and going to Toronto ♥